Acupuncture and America’s Biggest Martyr

© istockphoto/maxlevoyou

I have a confession to make, I fell off the self-care wagon.     Looking after myself  has been an Epic Fail the past few weeks.  Quite frankly, if I were a dog-sitter I would have fired me for reckless disregard to needs for adequate exercise, rest and good nutrition

I had a major lack of short-term motivation to think about long-term goals.   I was besieged by an inner conflict, as all my good intentions got defeated, one by one.

Healthy, mature me:  “ I should really go to the gym tonight”

Adolescent me with bad attitude: “I’m gonna watch tv.”

H.M.M:   “Ok if the gym is too much effort, I could do a little yoga here”

A.M.W.B.A:  “Screw yoga, Where’s the wine?”

H.M.M: “At the very least, I think you really need an early night”

A.M.W.B.A:   “Leave me alone, I’ll go to bed when I want to”

The worst part of not taking care of myself is that I know better  – and not in any sanctimonious expert kind of way.   Unless you’ve been under a rock somewhere, I think it’s fairly safe to say that we all have an idea of what self-care should entail.    If only it were that simple.  And it’s not just me.

I regularly meet people who wouldn’t neglect a house-plant they way they treat themselves.    A big part of the problem, it seems to me, is that people are uncomfortable with the whole concept of self-care, judging it to synonymous with narcissistic naval gazing and self-indulgence of celebrity proportions.

There is such a cultural aversion to it that you could be forgiven for thinking there is a competition for America’s biggest martyr, when you listen to people try to outdo each other with boasts of how much they are working and how little sleep they are getting.

People who do a good job at looking after others are amongst the worst offenders when it comes to looking after themselves, it seems.   As for professional caregivers – Oy.     These are intelligent people with a good sense of cause and effect and more than a passing understanding of human biology and yet they would pretty much rather die of a stress-related illness rather than take the risk that anyone could possibly accuse them of being selfish.

The ironic thing is that actually, not taking care of yourself is really far more selfish.    If you neglect your physical well-being for long enough, chances are  you will be checking out on your loved ones somewhat earlier than they could have wished for.     And back in the here and now, when you don’t manage your stress, you’re guilty of polluting other people’s day with a toxic emission of negative energy.

Self-care is about taking personal responsibility for your health and well-being.  About ensuring that you show up for the people and things that matter, most able to give your best.    At the very least, it’s about maintaining your physical body in good working order for as long as possible.    Not eating crap,  moving the moving parts on a fairly regular basis, resting when you are tired.    That’s the minimum and yet even that seemed like an impossible task last month.   I was way beyond prevention, but I was unable even to activate the rescue plan that I would usually implement to get myself out of burnout.

Happily, I think I have figured out was going on and it’s already getting better,   thanks to the phenomenal healing gifts of Dr. of Oriental medicine, Tansy Briggs.  She explained to me that when chronic stress reaches a critical level, it triggers a permanent acute response to everything.     As my recent blood work confirmed, my cortisol (the stress hormone) level indicates that my fight or flight mechanism has been stuck in the on position for a while now and closely resembles that of someone with PTSD.   Thanks to my mind, my body has been locked in survival mode.

The sympathetic nervous system evolved back in the day when having a snappy response to an approaching tiger was a giant asset.     However, living today like a tiger is permanently about to attack is not conducive to doing most of the things that are helpful to my stress level.  It makes sense really.  If I thought the chances were fairly high that I was about to be eaten by a tiger, I probably would choose the extra calories with a side of Chardonnay.   As far as exercise is concerned, I’d want to conserve my energy to out-sprint the tiger – this of course, is the reason that there are no prehistoric cave drawings of people doing aerobics.

No wonder I couldn’t convince myself to leave the house and head for the gym, my body was sending me signals that a disaster might happen at any second, sheltering in place was the obvious choice.    Tansy explained that she needed to “reset” my adrenal function with acupuncture.    And believe it or not, after just one session, I woke up with the startling realization that I wasn’t feeling stressed.    Normal, happy even.    Rational.  Willing and able to quite cheerfully go for a run and hit both Saturday and Sunday 8am yoga classes this weekend.   What a relief.

Sometimes it seems that just knowing what one should do differently is not enough.  We need to ask for help.  And that involves believing that it’s more than ok to take care of yourself.  You deserve it and so do the people who love you.