Productivity Schmoductivity: Being a grown-up is over-rated

©Allie Brosh

Productivity, Schmoductivity.   Some days when I have been doing a little too much for a little too long, my inner child throws a tantrum and I am forced to take it easy, whether I want to or not.

So, today I invite you to de-stress, chill out and take it all a little less seriously with some wisdom and inspiration from Allie Brosh, at her most awesome blog-site - Hyperbole and a Half.

Check out her post This is Why I’ll never be a grown up  and be gentle on yourself today!

My purpose is love

©istockphoto/Creativeye99

I had an amazing weekend facilitating the Vive La Différence Weekend for Couples with Bruce Gold. I am awed and humbled by the transformational power of love. It truly is the strongest medicine. This morning, one of the participants forwarded me an email she had received today which I would like to share with you along with a song –  MC YOGI Give Love.

Daily Inspiration for Monday, February 27, 2012 from Renaissance Unity 

Purpose

“If I can stop one heart from breaking,
I shall not live in vain:
If I can ease one life the aching,
Or cool one pain,
Or help one fainting robin
Unto his nest again,
I shall not live in vain.”
~Emily Dickinson

Today’s Affirmation
My passion is freedom and my purpose is love.

Today’s Meditation
Dear God,

Your presence in my life is like a burning fire and a cool breeze.
Your truth pushes and cradles me.
I intend to be a better person today than I was yesterday.
With Your help, I passionately live my purpose.
With my help, You transform the world.
Thank You!
And so it is.
Amen

Today I hope that you feel  connected to and inspired by your life’s purpose.

If God loves me so much, why does he want me to give up chocolate?

©istockphoto/kathryn8

It’s Mardi Gras tomorrow, historically a day of indulgence to consume the remaining foods that will be given up for Lent which begins the next day.

This 40 day period which begins on Ash Wednesday and culminates in the celebration of Easter  is prescribed as a time of penitence for believers marked by fasting and abstention from luxuries.

I remember as a child being deeply mystified by the seemingly mixed message that on the one hand, God loved me so much and yet on the other, he wanted me to give up chocolate.

For more decades than I care to admit, I retained a very childish attitude of rebellion towards the entire concept of self-discipline which engendered many an unproductive internal conflict in the pursuit of healthy goals.

In a society that venerates conspicuous consumption, commerce and instant gratification, self-denial is a hard sell.  For many people, self-discipline and deprivation are synonymous.   Ironically, considering this was an issue that began in the Church in England so many years ago, my issue with self-discipline only came to resolution relatively recently thanks to the wisdom and growth I have experienced on my yoga mat.

Part of the solution lay in a more conscious consideration of the multiple meanings of the word discipline:

Yoga reminded me that a spiritual practice is a discipline in the sense of these meanings:

I realized that part of me had been stuck in associating discipline exclusively with these meanings:

• Control obtained by enforcing compliance or order.
• A systematic method to obtain obedience: a military discipline.
• A state of order based on submission to rules and authority: a teacher who demanded discipline in the classroom
• Punishment intended to correct or train.

Slowly but surely, my previous knee-jerk reaction to reject additional commitments faded and I started to appreciate that self-discipline can be a positive choice rather than a deprivation.    I noticed that it is at the times that there is most chaos and pressure in my life, I find deep peace and comfort in routines.

Making a commitment to do something good for me used to feel like yet another chore on my to do list, in an overly full schedule.  Nowadays, I see it as an act of dedication and devotion to taking good care of myself.

Investigating the meanings that we have for things can be so incredibly beneficial. By stopping and taking the time to examine the beliefs we are walking around with, we create an opportunity to change and grow, to throw out old ways of thinking that no longer serve us and try on something new.     Which brings me back to Lent.

Even if you are not a Christian, Lent provides an occasion to try on some new behaviors. It is always interesting to challenge the things you believe you are dependent on. For some people it makes sense to give something up, even to suffer a little in the process, as a way of stimulating a form of deep reflection.

But equally, you may decide that you might have more to gain, spiritually speaking, during this period by adding something positive instead of giving something up. A couple of years ago, I found myself considering how I could choose to give up something that would also benefit others during this period.

I felt that in some ways, even giving up something that I loved seemed like a rather self-indulgent practice and so I picked  giving up complaining for Lent that year. The commitment I made was to monitor everything that came out of my mouth and forsake all negativity.

I thought it would be so easy, after all I considered myself a relatively kind and positive person.  It sounded so simple and yet I SUCKED at it.  When I started to pay some serious attention, I realized I complained without even being conscious of it way more than I could have imagined.  It was easy to avoid saying something bad about somebody, but I had no idea how much I bitched and moaned about traffic and the weather.

Over the entire period, I think I barely made it through two consecutive days of complete compliance.      This year it’s going to be my goal once again and I hope that, regardless of whether you follow this or another spiritual or religious tradition or not,  you feel inspired to think creatively about how you might benefit from a 40 day commitment to your personal development by giving something up or doing something new or different.

Tears are a river that take you somewhere

©istockphoto/giovanecek

MATER DOLOROSA: THE UN-RUINED HEART

“It is said by the old women of the family that the hilts of the swords piercing Our Lady’s heart are shaped like the curling sepals which protect the buds of roses..

..that with prayer and time, each sword hilt will burst into seven fragrant roses, blooming again and again, because suffering brings the rain of tears, because the rain of tears waters the earth, because moisture on dry earth of our being is guaranteed to bring forth new life.

Tears are a river that take you somewhere… somewhere better, somewhere good.”

“The swords through your heart are not the ones which caused your wounds, but rather, these mighty swords of Strength were earned by your struggles through hard times.

Sword of Surrender: to withstand this time of learning.
Sword of Veils: to pierce the hidden meanings of this time.
Sword of Healing: to lance one’s own agony, bitterness.
Sword of New Life: to cut through, cut loose, plant anew.
Sword of Courage: to speak up, row on, touch others.
Sword of Life Force: to draw from, lean on, purify.
Sword of Love: often heaviest to lift consistently;
turns one away from war, to instead,
fall into the arms of Immaculate Strength.

O Immaculate Heart of My Mother,
give me shelter in the beautiful chambers of your heart.
Keep me strong, fierce, loving, and able in this world.
Remind me daily, that despite my imperfections,
my heart remains,
completely un-ruined.”

From the book “Untie the Strong Woman” by Clarissa Pinkola-Estés

The pierced heart above is found above the doorway of this little Italian Church. It was painted there in the 17th Century and has recently been restored. ©istockphoto/giovanecek

The terrible jaws of regret

©istockphoto/contrastaddict

Don’t you hate it when, just as you least expect it, the untamed past escapes its cage?

With silent stealth, it attacks without warning, devouring any present peace in one fell swoop.

Before you even know what’s happened, it pounces and you find yourself captive, dangling powerless from the terrible jaws of regret.

The pain is so immediate and piercing, it takes your breath away.

At times, you are ashamed to admit, you have yearned for a swift end to what feels like interminable suffering.

You long to turn away, to blind the eyes that cannot close to things you said and the things you did and far worse still, that which went undone and unspoken.

Oh, the cruelty of hindsight, how it taunts us with impossible possibilities of how we could have been.

The shoulds, the coulds, the questions without answer.   The answers you wish you could change.

The quality of mercy may fall unstrained like rain from heaven but,

Hidden in the dungeon  of our  lack of self-forgiveness,

There is no absolution.

Come on Baby, re-light my fire – how to get date night out of a rut

istockphoto/spiderstock

Unless you live in a cave, you are probably aware that it was Valentine’s Day yesterday. All things romantic are foremost in my mind not just because it’s THAT month again, but also because I’m majorly excited that next weekend I’ll be offering the Vive La Différence Couples Workshop in Collegeville, PA. Last week I wrote a post for Lifehack on how to make Valentine’s Day last all year and I thought it would be fitting to share one of the tips I shared on how to re-kindle the spark.

This hot date idea is entitled Strangers in the Night and it is quite the fire-starter, especially when you have been together for a long time and/or are married.

For the purposes of this exercise you will need to select a time and date to meet in a bar that neither of you have visited before. An hotel bar is ideal for the purpose of this exercise for reasons that will become apparent.

Without discussing any details beforehand, your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to invent an alter-ego for the night, complete with name, age, personal history etc. Venture outside the box a little and experiment playing the role of someone who has a little different lifestyle to your own. For example, you might pretend to be a traveling pharmaceutical sales executive and power dress in heels and a business suit – perhaps with racy lingerie underneath (-of course, if you’re the guy and you try this role you will need to be prepared for quite a bit of extra attention.) Get creative and play against type – if you’re a dentist by day, how about going as a contractor complete with tool belt? Or a secret agent on a dark ops mission? You get the idea. Whatever you come up with, invest a little time in creating your character as fully as possible. Where do you live? How old are you? Kids? Not?

When you arrive at the bar, if you get there first pull up a stool with your back to the door, order a drink and enjoy the thrill of anticipation as you await the arrival of a mysterious stranger. Play hard to get or flirt like mad, the choice is yours. One of the most fun and unexpected benefits of this game is the reaction of the bartender or guy next door who is eavesdropping on the conversation and just can’t believe what he’s hearing. Especially when one of you proposes that you should leave together (or better still slips a room key to the other).

Whether you head off home or head upstairs to a room together, try to keep up the act as long as possible. This game is a sure fire cure for date nights that have fallen into a rut. Especially when you make a conscious effort to see, hear and touch each other with the curiosity of never having done it before. While you’re at it, you might want to try new foods or -ahem- activities that you perhaps might not usually explore. You get all the adventure with none of the risks and the best part is, you can pretend to be a totally different set of people as often as you want.

Life Lessons from a Dying Man

istockphoto/lindayolanda

I am not a pilot, brain-surgeon or rocket scientist. Nor am I planning the invasion of a small country, yet you could be forgiven for thinking so, judging by my ruthless obsession with increasing efficiency.

I am doing more things, more quickly than I even thought possible.

I am communicating with more people, faster and better than before.

I have de-cluttered and re-prioritized, systematized and categorized. I have mind maps and action plans, to do lists and tickler files, 43 folders and a 5 year plan.

Yet even as I am dizzied by my own super-human levels of productivity, I’ve started to feel that I am surviving more than thriving.

On the treadmill on Sunday as I dutifully clocked up my miles, I couldn’t help noticing that a large part of my life now closely resembles that of a plucky little hamster, sprinting gamely on its wheel.

Last week, I spent my Thursday afternoon at the bedside of a patient who was dying. I met this man in the last months of his life, when he was suffering from end stage Alzheimer’s disease.

He wasn’t the man he once was. Although he could no longer express himself, he communicated so much to me about who he was that truly inspired me.

When I would visit him in the nursing home at meal-times he didn’t recognize or remember me, yet without fail, as I sat down beside him he would pat my hand and say,

“Have you eaten?” and offer me the food from his own plate. When I would get up to leave, he would look with concern out the window, checking on the weather and to see if it was dark, telling me to be careful as I bid him goodbye.

On the last day we were alone together for several hours.

The stillness in the room descended like a heavy blanket of snow, pierced only by the sound of the oxygen machine and his breathing.

Time slowed down at last and I felt a shift in my perspective and perceptions about what had been so important and urgent before I sat down beside him.

I was holding his hand as he took his last breath and his heart beat its last.

Accompanying someone to the end of their life is an experience that never fails to humble you but something about this experience has really changed me.

On Sunday, I was invited to a gathering of his family and friends. The house was full of people, eating and laughing, celebrating a life well-lived.

Looking around, his daughter told me he would have loved this day. I sat down to look at a photo-album, eager to see glimpses of the man he had been.

As I turned the pages, looking at the photos of him playing with a grand-child or laughing at the helm of his boat in the Summer ocean, I saw confirmation of what I had felt intuitively; that this was a man who loved to spend time with his friends and family.

In this portrait of a life, I saw what was dear to him.

A man brimming with generosity, fun, kindness and love. A man who brightened the lives of all those around him.

A man who cared for, comforted and cherished those he loved.

I remembered that I knew what he had done for a living and yet what struck me most was this.

His glorious legacy was not what he had done but who he had been

I share this with you today to remind you to stop and smell the roses.

Tell those you love how you feel about them.

Be glad that you can.

Pause for a moment and imagine looking back on your life:

How will you view what seems so urgent and important today?